Forty-Something Years in Ninaland


I’m not Forty Yet…

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I’m almost there, I can feel the weight of it. I can hear the voices in my head saying: “What have you done with your life?”

What am I doing with my life? Trying to figure out life?

Is that a good enough answer? Or is it a question. Or is this a statement.

Sometimes you want to know what you know. It’s been almost forty years, what the hell do I know by now?

I was going to give you a list, but I hate lists. Everyone is listing the hell out of things lately…

Some people get smarter as they get older, that’s the usual trend. But there are those who just get dumber and dumber. I don’t know if you have met one of these people: mature idiots.

I personally don’t want to live past like eighty-five. I think I’m gonna end it then by starting to smoke crack or something. I mean what is there to lose? My grandfather lived to be ninety-eight and he drank two shots of vodka every morning. You can’t argue with that.

The thing about getting older is that perspectives change. In my twenties I just assumed that many people did not like me, for no apparent reason. Now I worry about whether I like someone.

Another thing about aging that we are all too familiar with is that you get fatter. If you are dude, sometimes you go bald. It can be a situation.

However, I think the real question as we get older is, are we getting closer to a place of peace? I think that’s what we all want as we age. How do we get to that place? How do we get happy?

Whether or not you believe in a goddess or god, I can tell you in my own experience that meditating is making me deal with the ups and downs of life with grace. It makes me happy.

I have felt moments of pure ecstasy, as if I’m high, meditating. I felt moments of pure relaxation and peace. There are times I do it and I feel nothing. There are times I have fallen asleep trying to meditate.

But the thing is, it’s the only time I feel close to my inner self and to the universe at the same time. Mediating is a state of mind, you can meditate while dancing or doing the dishes, it’s how aware you are of what you are doing. It’s really about being in the moment. Not worrying about the past or future, just paying attention to how alive you are right now.

The only thing that is saving me from becoming a true lunatic is meditation. There are countless books and videos and materials on how to meditate if you are not familiar with the practice.

As I get older I am starting to realize what is most important in life: my relationship with other people, myself and the universe at large. I have noticed that laughing to the point of crying with my friends, is better than any chemical I have ever ingested. I have noticed that if I don’t spend time allowing myself to face the pain I have from the past, it will exhibit itself in other forms.

As you age you realize that some pain is better felt now, then ignored, because it comes out in other forms to haunt you. Meditation makes your realize that even sitting with your pain actually makes it disappear.

One thing about getting older that is absolutely not true is that you become boring. Yes, you become more responsible and you are less likely to engage in risky behavior. But you can still have immense fun!

It’s a different kind of fun at forty. You don’t go to parties where the police come uninvited. You don’t drink to the point that you need a police escort home. It may be a different kind of happiness you are looking for at this age.

Family and friends being the most important things in our lives. As we age we are also faced with the knowledge that we may die, at any moment.

So why not die happy, we are going to die anyways so why not do it with style?


Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at

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 October 2nd, 2015  
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