I remember when I was like eleven I played a “rich woman” for Halloween. I stole my mom’s rabbit fur coat from her closet and wore it with some fake diamonds. All the mothers at school who volunteered for the Halloween party LOVED my costume. I thought I was the shit. Then the fake diamond ring that I was wearing made my finger blue and would not come off. I had to go to the Emergency room and they cut off the ring. Apparently I wasn’t the first person to do such a thing.
After Halloween was the best time, time to eat chocolate. I would organize the candy according to type. That is phenomenal since I never organized anything in my room or in my life. My trapper keeper was a mess and so was my closet. But the candy, it was stacked in rows of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Milky Ways, Butter Fingers, Etc. Etc.
Anything that wasn’t chocolate was OK. I mean some people gave chips, and chips are pretty good with chocolate. But except for Jolly Ranchers, the hard candy was kind of a bust.
Until I was in fourth grade, my parents would buy me Halloween costumes from K-mart. The kind with the plastic mask and the plastic clothes. It was truly embarrassing when some people had hand-sewn costumes. My mother was a doctor though, not a seamstress! She was a doctor who shopped at Kmart.
When I went to Columbia University in New York, I had the best costume in town. I was Cleopatra. I wore a velvet Indian salvaar kameez, and a long thin scarf rapped around my entire body. I had a crown and my eyes were done immaculately. I carried a peacock-feathered fan with me. People thought I bought a Cleopatra costume. By the way, no one was Indian in my class that year.
I wore that same costume to an Indian Halloween party and everyone was like: “What are you supposed to be, an Indian?” It was embarrassing.
I naturally look like Elvira or a witch, so those two costumes I got down pretty well. I got a nose for a witch and the long black hair. I have the hair and eyes for Elvira as well.
One time after college I went to a Medical Frat party and dressed up as Cat Woman. Apparently I had a little too much fun and somehow ended up in the middle of the dance floor, gyrating my hips back and forth, while these doctors examined me!
Then I lost the keys to my car and almost had to walk home. There was no Uber back then.
I could be an awesome vampire as well because I have fair skin and really dark hair. I should look into it.
This year I’m laying low. No one I know is having a Halloween party and I’m on a diet so I can’t be giving out candy to kids. “Giving out” candy to kids means you eat half of the candy. I could eat half my weight in candy. So I’m just going to have a nice dinner with some friends this Halloween…Have a good one!