Forty-Something Years in Ninaland


Where did I go?

A grassy hillside with a blue sky and puffy white clouds

A grassy hillside with a blue sky and puffy white clouds

Where did I go these last few months?

I don’t know exactly where I go when I don’t write. I go somewhere far away from myself. I wasn’t unhappy when I wasn’t writing, but I wasn’t particularly happy. I try not to stop writing, but sometimes, something overtakes me and I can’t do it anymore.

What this invisible force is that stops me from writing, may be the equal and opposite of the force that keeps me writing. Perhaps the ‘force’ has a dark side. Maybe there is even a Darth Vader that is pulling me to the other side, where I am unable to put words on a page.

Maybe I’m being a tad overly dramatic. Maybe the only force there is, is the one I have inside me. I am my own force. I make decisions and I am responsible for those decisions.

I suppose I decided not to contribute to this blog in the last few months. It was my decision, and I’m thinking it wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had.

A lot has happened since I last wrote here, a lot has happened to me and to the world. I don’t have to remind you of mass shootings, and ISIS and Donald Trump. I don’t have to remind you that the weather has lost its mind. But good things have occurred as well; I just don’t remember what they are. And that is sad. Very sad.

We are bombarded by the negative in this country. Well I can name a few good things that occurred in my life. I briefly dated someone who is now a friend, a pretty good friend. I started teaching at a new college. I lost a few pounds. I turned forty. And that’s all I got.

I unfortunately didn’t run a marathon. I will most likely never run a marathon, as I consider running torcher, but I have a deep respect for those who do it.

Oh I just thought of something good happening in the world: Bernie Sanders. I predicted a long time ago that he would be good for our country. Apparently I’m not alone in this thinking. His ideology is becoming more and more popular, even for a few friends I have that are generally more to the right politically.

That is progress in my eyes.

So never mind those scary monsters in ISIS or the Donald Trump’s of the world. Forget about all that bullshit. There could be a revolution in our midst. A seventy-four year old Jew who might croak in office, is leading many young people towards a revolution.

I know I’m not young…anymore. I like to think I am, and pretend I am. But people call me Mam too much for me to ignore. Let’s focus on the good for once, let’s be young again, shall we? Let’s dance; let’s play.

There are far too many boogy men in the closet, so let’s shut the fucking door. That’s what closets are for, to shove shit into. As I write this I can only think that we need a change of perspective in this world. We need to see the glass as half full, and pretend it’s full of tequila. Life is like a margarita, you can put all the salt and sugar into it you want, and I don’t know where I was going with this but if you want a good view of the world, drink margaritas.

I’m really into this positivity movement, I mean, I don’t really know, is there a positivity movement or do I have to start one? I basically can’t really watch the news because there is rarely a good thing on there. There needs to be a positivity news station, where they only show the good news around the world. Good things don’t get enough publicity, either do good people.

I know it might sound hokey, but all this negative energy cannot be good for us. We need balance and if the pendulum needs to swing on the other side to only positivity for that to happen, than so be it. People right now think that if you want to get famous, shoot up a school or other sacred place. What if people thought, ‘hey if I want to be famous let me do something radically good!’

I know, I know, it’s a great shift in thought and culture, however we need a change, don’t we?

I will tell you some positive news. I was at Starbucks and a man cut in line in front of me by mistake. He apologized to me and my head was so lost in space I told him I didn’t even notice. Well he decided to buy my iced caramel macchiato. He told me to pay it forward. I was delighted and haven’t found a good opportunity to pay it forward yet, but I will.

I feel like life is really about how you tell your story. If you only remember how stressed you are, how you never have time for yourself and aren’t doing the things you truly love, you will be miserable. However, if you remember those small moments, like a hug from a good friend, a smile from a stranger, or even as simple as a good cup of coffee and a moment to enjoy it; you might be better off.


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 February 22nd, 2016  

2 Responses to Where did I go?

  1. Welcome back! We have missed you.

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