You Don’t Have to Explain A Damn Thing
by Megan Cyrulewski
We live in a very judgmental society and it’s completely understandable. We are humans and we judge. We judge ourselves, we judge others, we watch shows about judges and the list goes on and on. When we post something on Facebook, we all wonder what others are going to think. Will they click like? Will they comment? If the post only gets a couple of likes does that mean everyone else hates me now and will they unfriend me? (Okay maybe the last one was a little dramatic.)
There is someone who is probably judging you right now for something. Maybe because you’re reading this blog instead of working and your co-worker thinks you’re a slacker. As the person who wrote this post, you’re judging me right now either nodding your head or thinking to yourself, get to the fucking point of this post already. Okay okay. My point is this: there will always be people who judge you. So what are you going to do about it?
It’s a really annoying human trait that we all have feelings and even though we say we don’t care what someone thinks, deep inside we really do. And again, that’s okay. We can’t help the way we feel. When people judge you, you might get angry or sad or hurt but you have the power to not explain anything you don’t want to.
My daughter is starting Kindergarten at a private school this fall. It was a tough decision to make because I am a strong advocate of public school education. My Aunt is a retired 40-year public school teacher. My dad was once president of the school board in the district we live in, for Christ’s sake. So why in the world would I choose a private school for my daughter? The short answer: she was tested, she has a gifted IQ, and her therapist advised that she would flourish in a private school setting.
First of all, the fact that my daughter has a gifted IQ blows me away. My high school GPA was a stellar 2.5. Don’t even get me started on her father. I was just hoping for “normal.” Instead, my daughter is like this gross incestual combination of my brother and me. Academics from him, athleticism from me.
For the longest time, I didn’t post anything on the holy grail of social media, Facebook, because I knew people were going to judge. When I first told my friends, an explanation of my decision took about 4 hours beginning with my childhood and ending with, “so that’s why I decided to go the private school route but I would totally do public school and it was such a hard decision” and then my inner monologue would continue, “you probably think I’m the biggest snob and you probably think I think my daughter is the shit yo diggity, and you probably think that I think that I’m better than you and you probably hate me and you will probably unfriend me from Facebook and block me and I just suck and need a Xanax.”
Again, the above scenario is a bit of an over exaggeration. Here’s what really happened: “so I decided to put Madelyne in a private school.” My friends: “I think that’s the best thing for her. She’ll do really well!”
Huh. So with my friends, I don’t have to explain myself because even if they don’t agree with my decision, they still want to be friends. It was then that I realized that I cared more about people judging me instead of having the confidence to back up my decisions. It was totally an “ah ha” moment. (Oprah copyrighted that phrase and I’m giving her credit so please don’t sue me.)
Let’s circle back to the beginning of this blog post. People are going to judge you no matter what because it’s human nature. You’re going to judge yourself because therapists need to earn a living too. But, at the end of the day, if you know in your heart that you made the right decision, then no explanation is needed.
So if you post on Facebook that you think Trump is the second coming of Jesus – oh yeah – I’m totally judging you. But I’m also thinking to myself, kudos to you to have the balls to post that on social media and then I’m going to grab some popcorn and watch the shit show of responses.
If you post that you can’t wait until the next episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians are on – oh yeah – I’m totally judging you. But again, kudos to you because I just binge-watched The Hills on Amazon Prime.
If you post that you are in the recovery room after your annual colonoscopy – oh yeah – I’m totally judging you (and having some really nasty images in my head of the diarrhea prep.) But again, kudos to you because at least you are diligent about getting that tube up your ass every 5 years.
Post anything you want. Say anything you want. Do anything you want. Know that people will judge. Have the confidence to smile. But always remember that you don’t have to explain a damn thing.