Forty-Something Years in Ninaland

Do I need an Indian Man?


Do I think I really need an Indian man? I don’t know. I don’t think so. I mean there are stereotypes out there about Indian men, I’m just saying. I don’t necessarily buy into the stereotypes of men in my culture. Like the idea that all they are looking for in a woman is someone to cook and do their laundry. And that they are essentially looking for a new mother. Although, I won’t deny that could be true in some cases.

The modern man in America, Indian or Caucasian or African American etc. must know better than to look for a servant in a wife. Honestly though on the other hand, I think some Indian women don’t really want just an Indian man, but they want an Indian movie to be made of their lives.

They want some story, a love story. I’m not going to lie, I want that too. Or something like that, I’m more of a fan of independent or foreign films, as opposed to Bollywood films. But who’s keeping track of the difference anyways?

I need to face facts a movie is a movie. Real life is real life. No one is going to sweep me off my fucking feet. I’m 41, I’m not too old, but I ain’t young. I just want a lifelong friend. Someone who will be my companion. That’s all.

I honestly don’t even care if I get married or not. As unIndian as that sounds, I would just live with someone. Although my parents have threatened to disown me if I live with a man outside of marriage. I didn’t realize they owned me in the first place.

What will the community think? That is what Indian elders worry about the most. My parents are not any different than the rest of them. Do my parents want me to marry an Indian man, now after all these years? Of course they do, but they will settle for a man with a job. I’m sort of over what my parents’ friends think of my romantic choices. However, I’m not going to say that it doesn’t have some kind of residual effect on my choices in a partner.

But the real question is, what do I want? Why can’t I find what I’m looking for? Is there something wrong with me? There are many reasons to argue that there might be something wrong with me, I won’t go into those reasons because they depress me, but let’s just say I have decided I want a relationship. I think it might increase my happiness factor.

Am I happy without a man? MMmmm, on occasion I’m very happy, mostly I’m mildly happy, and some days are bad. No money, no man…it isn’t the best combination. I’m taking care of some student loans at the moment, so I’m broke, as a joke. However, somehow, in the midst of all the chaos and craziness of still living with my parents I seem to find happiness in small things.

Like the fact that my mom made a wonderful dish for us, dhea puri. It was delicious and I get free great food on the regular. If I didn’t eat so much of it, I might have a better chance at getting said man. (Just kidding) Sort of.

Honestly I don’t think I don’t have a man in my life right now because I’m not the thinnest girl on the block. I think it has more to do with the fact that I’ve been busy building myself. Busy building a life and a person I can be proud of, me.

Some of my friends are single, some married, some divorced. We all have a legitimate place in society, including Indian society.

Whether or not you like it, middle-aged single Indian women exist all throughout the world and we are here to stay. We will not be ostracized anymore, we will not be mocked and we will not be made to feel sorry for ourselves. There is nothing to be sorry about, I have a great job, great friends, and a great family.

I may not have children, ever. Studies have shown that single couples are actually happier than couples with kids. Just saying. What studies you ask? Look em up if you really want to know. I don’t know if single people are happier than married people, no one really studies us. We are a part of society that is often overlooked.

However, single women outnumber married women in America according to Jezebel magazine. I have also read that the number of single women in India is also rising. We are real people and we need not be looked down upon.

Let’s get back on track, to the original question…Do I need an Indian man?


I don’t need my own culture in a man, I like the idea of having that commonality but there is something beautiful about differences between two people in a relationship as well. I would love to be able to play Indian music with a man who understands it. And I’m learning Hindi as we speak because I am more interested in the language itself. However as much I would love that, I would love anyone who is good to me and has integrity. That comes before ethnicity.

I would love an Indian man, hands down. A Sikh man would be even greater. However, I may not find one. Maybe the one for me is from like Venezuela or anywhere in the world. I don’t know. I just know I remain open to anyone from anywhere. My parents have some racial and religious restrictions in their mind, however, I can no longer live under their rules.

I am my own woman now. Respect me.


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