Forty-Something Years in Ninaland

La La Land vs. ninaland!


I just saw the movie La La Land. It was a good flick. It wasn’t phenomenal but it wasn’t all that bad either.  Better than mediocre and I got to look at Ryan Gosling the whole time. My life is not so bad. La La Land is essentially a story about what could have been, what should have been. But it isn’t the way it could have been, it is the way it is. And we see this in the evocative ending, the best part of the movie.

No spoiler alerts, but it made me think of my own life. What if I was already a bestselling author who was rich and famous. I bet you bucks I’d be really unhappy by now. Unhappy about something. I would forget everything I achieved, and worry again about where the comma goes in the sentence. Where do we take pause, where do we break, where should we create space.

That is the eternal question of writing, where does the comma really go? Where do we end the sentence? Why do we end the sentence? Maybe I’m a sentence.

I’ll tell you what, sometimes life seems like a sentence. A life sentence.

Writing is a lonely profession, sometimes it feels like I’m in solitary confinement. In fact, that is why I teach, to break up the silence. I try everything sometimes but the silence is so loud. I put music on, I put on the TV, but nothing can erase how quiet it is to be alone.

But it is very possible that if I didn’t have this alone time, I would not be able to write. If you took away my ability to write, you might as well kill me. I don’t always write because I want to necessarily, but because I have to, in order to breathe, in order to live.

Someone once said all we need in life is something to do, something to love, and something to look forward to. Writing is what I do, it is what I love, and I look forward to seeing how the world takes it in. I don’t want to be a bestselling author because I want fame, it is because I want to see the response of the most people. I want to affect people. I want to inspire them with words, maybe even change them.

What do I care about them though? Why should be concerned about changing the world? Because this ain’t no La La Land. I think we can all agree that the world kind of sucks at the moment. I mean your world might be great, maybe you are personally living in Disney Land. But most of us, in the land of the living, are living lives of quiet desperation, as someone else once said.

What do you think would make your life into a La La Land? I think I’d be a lot happier if I found a steady partner to love. Love and La La, go together, like two birds of a feather. Ha ha.

Do you think heaven is La La Land, you know the place that exists beyond existence if you believe in that place? Sometimes ninaland is like La La Land. It’s great to be in my own head sometimes, you should visit more often, it can be amazing over here. I don’t usually do unicorns and clowns in my land, but there are the occasional knights in shining armor and princesses who look like me.

La La Land is where our dreams are. Martin Luther King had a dream. I have dreams.

I dream of a world that I can be proud of. I dream of chocolate that has no calories and romantic love that has no pain. A world where one can eat and love without hesitation. I think in the end the only reason we are here to find food and find love.

I have found food, lots and lots of food in fact. Just an FYI. I have also found much to love in this life. So maybe I am in La La Land? Where are you? Where do you live? What land do you claim as your own?

Thanks for visiting ninaland.


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