Forty-Something Years in Ninaland

Underneath the Car Tow-er

Feb
01

Car Tow-er

This is the time for unremembered memories,

cold snowy memories of days past.

I don’t remember the light pink snowsuit I had to wear

in kindergarten. I walked like a robot in it…

I don’t remember their faces,

the little boys who made fun of me. I never laughed,

I mean kindergarten wasn’t funny to me.

Later on, in my early twenties, I drove like a robot.

I remember that time I drove my little Corolla,

driving seventy in a snow storm

for absolutely no reason at all.

I went under a car tow-er

or so I called it

even though there is no such word

(In Kindergarten I learned words.)

It was a huge truck

that carried twenty or so cars on it.

I can’t remember which car was red, but there was a red car on top.

Then I hit a semi.

A man in another semi parked across the highway.

He got out of his huge blue truck and walked

amidst snow and cars, over the busy highway to see if I was alive.

He was black and he was nice, he looked like

he was about to cry when he saw me.

I swear there was a tear in his eye.

I wanted to hug him, tell him it’s ok.

He looked like he needed more comforting than I did.

He crossed the busy highway by foot,

he risked his life for me and I couldn’t even hug him.

Because I was afraid, afraid to be so brave as to hug

a stranger, even one who clearly was good.

Am I that good, would I have risked my life

for him, for anyone? Who else would risk

their life for me? He was old, but i should have

married him anyways. I should have cared.

I was alive, my car was totaled to a point

that looked like no one could have come out alive.

I didn’t have a scratch on me.

I thought I was invincible, unbreakable.

When I went to the mechanic’s shop

the white man wearing a baseball cap

looked at the car and looked at me

in awe. How did I survive, he asked?

My aunt told me she was praying

while it happened. Should we blame it on god,

blame it on the snow? Remember that song

‘Blame it on the Rain’? Should we blame

Milli Vanilli, it’s safe since they were

‘bad’ people anyways. One of them killed themselves

or so I heard. This was before fake news.

Snow, wind, and cold air captures us

it makes us red in the face and we breathe deeper.

You can see our breath in the air

I can see that black man’s breath and the boys,

the little white boys who laughed at my

snowsuit, they said I looked like a monster.

I’m not a monster I want to go back in time and tell them.

I’m a superhero who can survive amazing car crashes.

nina

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