dear future husband,
i touched your feet because i love you. don’t ask me again why i pray or who i’m praying to. i kissed your arms because you held me. don’t ever look inside my phone. I will sing you old poetic suicidally sad hindi songs in bed. don’t ever tell me i can’t do something.
i live inside these two dichotomies, two personalities, i am two people, maybe more. you once asked me if there was more than one god. yes i said, you and me.
the gods must be crazy. who knew you could sit in silence for years together and just be. they call it marriage. you gave me the wind, and i assumed you were a watch. that being with you represented time. but then i imagined that time is not real, that there is no clock that can record our future and remember our past, or know what it all means now.
do you know what I mean to you? if you are not sure, then perhaps this will end. remember, always remember my worth or I might walk away.
i will probably love you deeply. do you know who you are? are you happy?
i will make you happy, if you let me. i will show you who you are to me. i will show you how to love me.
remember both of us will die, no matter how much we love each other. let’s remember that so we love each other.
we will also hate each other, deeply, more than once. let us not be surprised by that. let neither one of us walk away because of this.
we will probably stop having sex, at some points, for no apparent reason. no ill feelings, just no passion at all. that will be our state sometimes. are you willing to go through that with me?
are you willing to understand that i’m too old to have your children? i’m willing to adopt, but do understand that we will most likely love those children more than we love each other. it just happens that way. are you ok with being second best?
we are both going to desire other people sexually. hopefully, neither one of us will act on that. if you do I will most likely leave you, i hope. if i do i don’t expect you to understand or forgive me.
i’m not perfect, nor will this marriage be. newsflash: you are not perfect either. there exists no perfection that is above flaws. actually we are hopefully perfect for each other, but even that will have flaws. our relationship will have deep-rooted flaws.
let’s do it anyways.
why you ask? after all that why?
that part is not logical. love is the most irrational thing we engage in.
all i know is i love you.
love is prettier, much more beautiful than all that i have illustrated above. love is the reason, the only reason i will marry you.