Forty-Something Years in Ninaland

Post Apocalypse: Carpet is Installed


Photo by erik cid on Unsplash

What to do now?

So we got new carpet and it feels like silk, the house looks new. Putting stuff back in place is easier than taking it down it seems. Besides, we threw away all the unnecessary crap. It occurs to me that I was supposed to be working on the book I’m writing this entire time, instead, I’ve been doing household shit for like a week. I need to get back to my life.

Then I wonder, do I have a life? I call some friends I haven’t talked to in a week and it becomes clear that I need to go back and join my so called life. Since I’ve decided I’m going to spend the summer writing, perhaps I should be writing. Besides this blog, I have two books I’m working on. One of them I will be selling on this blog very soon, hopefully.

I still have a pile of junk in my kitchen in the basement that I have to go through. I spilled some popcorn on the new carpet in my room. I haven’t told anyone, they will think I don’t appreciate it and am going to ruin it. I will vacuum it up, soon. Why was I eating popcorn in my bed? I don’t know, I was hungry. They say you shouldn’t eat in bed, oh well.

The carpet is dark brown in the living room. I was not pleased with this choice, but now that I see it, it actually works. For some reason, the room looks bigger. Let’s fast forward to right now:

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

I don’t want to write. I basically don’t want to do anything at all I think. I kind of don’t want to exist. That is different than wanting to die. I don’t want to die. I’m just tired of doing, and doing, and doing. I’m sitting in a Starbucks with a good friend, staring at a McDonald’s. There is a black man who has some beaded necklaces on and a long beard, he looks like he might be Rastafarian. I know nothing about that culture. I want to ask him what it’s like.

There’s a pretty woman with false eyelashes sitting by the window, she is studying a textbook that is all highlighted in yellow. She has purple ear buds on and I wonder what she is studying and what she is listening to. For a moment I want to be her, she seems like she has a purpose. That book looks really complicated. But I remember, I’ve read complex and sophisticated texts in school and I have had enough school. I actually don’t want to go back as a student, I like being a teacher or professor.

I’m thinking the cute man with the blue and white striped shirt is smiling because life is good. It is you know, he reminds me of that. I forget sometimes how good it can be. It seems that everyone is on a computer in this joint, except one man is reading a newspaper. Remember paper? I mean as bad as it is for the environment, I sometimes miss paper. I miss reading hard cover books and even paperbacks.

Photo by Amanda Sandlin on Unsplash

I’m staring at a yellow line on the cement parking lot outside. I wonder about this yellow line, and all the lines I’ve drawn in my life. They have all been sort of yellow. Like the fresh bananas I bought from the market the other day. I buy them mostly for my father, who like an ape cannot live without bananas. There is a woman with a white hat at the coffee bar. Her hat reminds me of a black hat I wore this winter. I thought I looked like a movie star, but actually, I looked like me with a hat on.

I’ve always wanted a raspberry beret. I always wanted Prince. Although he was a little skinny for my taste.

These are the kinds of things I think when I’m not doing stuff around the house because we got new carpet. Is this all worth going back to?


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